WorldNetDaily's Jon Dougherty reports that the Prudential Insurance Company denied homeowner's coverage to Connecticut policeman Frank Del Bruno, because it had determined that some of the guns in Bruno's collection posed too great a risk. Apparently, Prudential believes not only that guns kill people, but that they can also sneak out of the cabinet at night and trash the place.

The Clinton administration is demanding that President-elect Bush stop talking about "warning signs" of an economic slowdown. "It is important to be guarded and measured in what you say about the economy," said White House Press Secretary Jake Siewart. Similar concerns did not stop Bill Clinton in 1992, with our current "boom" already well underway, from repeatedly bemoaning "the worst economy in the last fifty years."

NBC has reportedly offered President Clinton his own television show, which they say would be in a format similar to "Meet the Press." No doubt, the network intends to assign him the role of "moderate panelist."

Software giant Bill Gates has reportedly donated $8.8 million to the International Planned Parenthood Federation, which just goes to show that some people actually deserve Janet Reno and David Boies.

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President Clinton has postponed the execution of Juan Raul Garza, the former head of a drug ring who murdered three people in the early nineties, until the Justice Department completes a study on racial disparities in the federal capital punishment system. Nobody is suggesting that Garza is an innocent victim of a racist verdict, so his ethnicity alone is the reason for his reprieve. This is the latest maneuver in Democrats' absurd efforts to establish a racial quota for executions. The NAACP, which continues to identify itself with criminals instead of law abiding citizens of all colors, is complaining that Clinton's decision does not go far enough.

A carjacker was arrested in Largo, Florida, based on a witness' description that the man was six feet tall, 275 pounds, and looked just like Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh seems pleased to have inadvertently been of help, but protests that the police employed "El Rushbo profiling."

President Clinton, senator-elect Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), and House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt (D, Mo.) have suggested that Vice President Gore should continue to contest the election even after Gov. George W. Bush is inaugurated on Jan. 20. If that effort fails, they will have no choice but to "restore democracy," the way they did in Haiti.

President Clinton's name has been raised for a possible appointment to become the next Chancellor of Oxford University. The Chancellor holds a largely ceremonial role, which would not require his regular presence at the university. In light of that, Clinton's stint at Oxford as a student makes him an ideal candidate.

In a Sunday front page story (i.e., an editorial), the Miami Herald concluded that, if the election had been "flawless," Al Gore would have won. The newspaper's own study assumes "an election in which every ballot is fully filled out and every one of those ballots gets counted." So the Herald's definition of a "flawless" election is one in which people who did not vote for Al Gore had voted for Al Gore.

CNN founder Ted Turner has proposed a runoff for the presidency, explaining, "Let's face it; it's a statistical tie. That's what you'd call it if it was a sporting event." If Turner ever stayed awake for an entire Braves' game, he would realize that none of them has ever ended in a "statistical tie."

The Gore campaign says it has 10,000 affidavits from citizens of Palm Beach County who claim to have been confused by, or falsely instructed about, the county's butterfly ballot. Apparently, Vice President Gore intends to stake a claim to 10,000 of Pat Buchanan's 3,407 votes.

Among the latest election controversies is the rejection of about a third of all military absentee ballots in Florida, many of them for missing postmarks, a circumstance which is out of the voters' control. Also, in Palm Beach County, some punched-out chads have been discovered taped back into ballots which had been cast for Gov. Bush. Al Gore, who thinks "every vote should be counted," must be appalled.

A severely disabled 17 year-old French boy "won" a "wrongful birth" suit filed by his parents, who claimed that doctors were negligent in failing to diagnose the mother's German measles, which caused the boy to be born deaf, retarded and partially blind. Christian and Josette Perruche argued that their son, Nicolas, should have been aborted. "Would my son really have wanted to live if he'd known he had all these disabilities?" asked Mr. Perruche. Somebody please tell the French that they can stop collaborating any time now.

Volusia County, Florida's psychic hand-recount conjured up an additional 98 votes for Al Gore, although the previous mechanical recount did not vary from the original tally by a single vote for either candidate.

Senator-elect Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.) said during a press conference that, in light of the 2000 presidential election, the electoral college should be scrapped in favor of a strict popular vote. Not even sworn in yet, and she's already found one part of the Constitution she wants to obliterate.

The late Missouri governor Mel Carnahan posthumously won a seat in the U.S. Senate, which will be filled by his widow, Jean. Carnahan's narrow victory over incumbent Republican John Ashcroft was due in no small part to a judge's last-minute ruling which allowed polls in St. Louis to remain open one hour past their scheduled closing time. Strange ... in the past it's usually been the dead who've elected the cheaters.

Author Hank Hillin, who had written a biography of Al Gore in 1988, has withdrawn his support for the vice president in a series of ads running in the Nashville Tennesseean, a paper for which Gore had once written. Hillin now says in his ad, "Al, I mistook your ambition for leadership. Your struggle with the truth is depressing." In his book, Al Gore Jr.: Born to Lead, he had written that Gore was, "America's most promising and outstanding candidate for national office since President John F. Kennedy." Hmmm ... something must have happened over the past twelve years to change his mind.

The NAACP has recently released what is arguably the slimiest political ad of all time. The ad (not done on behalf of the Gore campaign, of course) consisted of a reenactment of the racially motivated dragging death of James Byrd, in the style of pseudo-documentaries like In Search Of. The voiceover was done by Byrd's daughter, who said, "[W]hen Gov. George W. Bush refused to support hate-crimes legislation, it was like my father was killed all over again." So they aren't saying Bush killed Byrd -- they're only saying that he did something which was just like killing him. In political circles, this is called "spin," but we call it something else here on Earth.

Elsewhere in the demented dreamworld of the NAACP, the somehow respected organization has embarked on a campaign to register prisoners to vote. Prisoners awaiting trial and those convicted of misdemeanors are allowed to vote in most states, but, being mostly criminals, they are too ignorant to know and too indifferent to find out. The organization, currently headed by former Democrat congressman Kweisi Mfume, is now trying to energize these inmates to become politically involved, fully confident that it knows which would be the criminals' party of choice.

Clinton Legacy update: President Clinton said in an interview with Esquire magazine that the Republicans owe America an apology for impeaching him. "Unlike them," he said, "I have apologized to the American people for what I did wrong, and most Americans think I paid a pretty high price." The magazine's cover features the president sitting with his legs spread, the picture distorted so that his pelvic region appears disproportionately large. What is it he's sorry about again?

Gov. Jesse Ventura of Minnesota now says that his recent remarks about his visit with President Clinton, referenced in the item below, were not serious, and that the late night discussion between the two never actually happened. Just more of that "straight talk" we all love so much.

Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura says he spent a night at the White House recently, during which he and President Clinton stayed up until four o'clock in the morning, talking about cigars. Is that what they call it these days?

Joe Lieberman appears to have answered Question #1 posed by this publication in a recent column. (Hey Joe: Some questions for the Senate's "moral compass" 8/9/00) While Lieberman has not responded in direct reference to Al Sharpton, he has said that he respects Louis Farrakhan, and is interested in meeting with him. This just goes to show that, when discussing liberals, you can never really be as sarcastic as you think you are.

Independent Council Robert Ray has concluded that he will not charge either of the Clintons as a result of the Whitewater investigation, due, he says, to a lack of sufficient evidence to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, even on charges of obstruction of justice. Never mind that the jury in Little Rock was sure enough that President Clinton lied in his testimony that it found Gov. Tucker and the McDougals guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Forget also that Clinton tampered with a witness live on television, offering to pay Susan McDougal's legal bills during an interview on CNN's Late Edition. As for the administration's refusal to respond to subpoenas in a timely manner, its multiple phony claims of executive and attorney-client privileges, and its almost comically brazen pattern of hiding, destroying and redacting evidence ... well, who wants to be called a "partisan" for bringing all that up again? The OIC could have saved a lot of time, money, ink, and even some of its own integrity, if it had simply issued a report which read, "Uncle!"

Rep. Helen Chenoweth-Hage (R, Ida.) was assaulted with a fish by a protester, during a hearing in Missoula, Montana, about this summer's wildfires. 20 year-old Randall Mark of Moscow, Idaho shouted, "You are the greatest threat to the forest!" just before striking the congresswoman in the head with a rotten salmon. Now there's a kid with a bright future, writing TV and radio ads for the DNC.

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According to the London Times, the United Nations has embarked on a 15-year plan to develop a high-power telescope, for the purpose of searching for space aliens. Their apparent hope is that any aliens they find will be made of latex, just as they are in the Weekly World News. Then the U.N. can begin farming them for condoms.

No longer disputing whether their client lied under oath, attorneys for President Clinton have written that, "[A] sanction of disbarment would be excessively harsh." In other words, Clinton's perjury does not rise to the level of an offense worthy of disbarment. At least not in Scotland, anyway.

Citing poor health, Jack Kevorkian is pleading for his release from prison, which is a bit different from what he has prescribed for over a hundred other people.

In a decision criticized by even the famously pro-abortion Gov. Christie Whitman, The New Jersey Supreme Court has struck down that state's law requiring parental notification before a minor can have an abortion. The court argued in its 4-2 decision that the law, signed by Whitman, constitutes a burden on a girl's ability to get an abortion. Of course, so does the girl's own conscience, but the courts will soon get around to banning that as well.

Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D, Calif.) organized a fundraiser to be held at the Playboy mansion, both timed and located in close proximity to the Democratic Party convention. The party leaders, being enthusiasts of a "news magazine" called Hustler, forced her to cancel.

President Clinton vetoed a congressional bill which would have repealed the "marriage penalty" from the federal tax code, so that a married couple would pay no more than they would if they had remained unmarried. The president's decision makes perfect sense, if you first understand that he considers marriage to be a "risky scheme."

Marking the tenth anniversary of the Americans With Disabilities Act, President Clinton proposed that the federal government hire 100,000 new employees with disabilities over the next five years. Remember ... drug addiction is considered a disability under the ADA.

A poll conducted by Rasmussen Research says that only 51 percent of Americans would vote to approve the Constitution if it were placed on a referendum. 22 percent would vote to repeal it, and 27 percent are "not sure."

The House voted to encourage retirement savings by significantly raising the annual limit for IRA and 401(k) contributions over a five-year period. President Clinton's chief of staff, John Podesta, characterized the bill as a "spending binge." The president's own plan for "USA accounts," which stands for "Universal Savings Accounts ... accounts," would instead give people money from tax revenues for their private savings.

Baseball player Andy Morales, who had been sent back to Cuba after being intercepted by the Coast Guard in the Caribbean, successfully defected on his second attempt, and is now being courted by several major league teams. Baltimore Orioles' owner Peter Angelos has pledged that he will not sign any Cuban defectors, which is just as well, since he is not worthy of their company.

On July 18, a Senate vote to amend the 1906 Antiquities Act failed by a 50-49 vote. The amendment, drafted by Sen. Don Nickles (R, Okla.), would have required the president to consult with state and local authorities before declaring a new national monument. All 44 Democrats voted to continue the Clinton Legacy land grab, along with Republican Senators Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, Mike DeWine of Ohio, Peter Fitzgerald of Illinois, James Jeffords of Vermont, Dick Lugar of Indiana, and William Roth of Delaware.

 The FBI has launched an investigation into a U.S.-based website which compares Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak to Adolph Hitler. It should go without saying that the fact that they are investigating means that they intend to do something about it. Have these people no sense of irony?

A school board in Wisconsin has refused to pull a biography of Whoopi Goldberg from its library's bookshelves, despite its profanity, sexual references, and provocative racial language. It's a good thing the students hadn't been reading a biography of Jesus Christ -- that could have been offensive.

The ruling Socialist Party of Portugal, supported by that nation's Communist Party, has voted to legalize the use of some currently illegal drugs, including heroin. The apparent hope is that this will cause the citizens to want them to remain in power.

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In a campaign speech to the American Federation of Teachers, Vice President Gore quipped that a group of his critics, which calls itself Citizens for Better Medicare, would more fittingly be called "Citizens for Bad Medicare." Whoa! ... save some of those zingers for the debates, Al.

Both President Clinton and Janet Reno now say that they would have preferred that Elian Gonzalez remain in the United States. Chalk up his return to Red Cuba as another "snafu."

"Security czar" Eugene Habiger assures us that the sensitive nuclear intelligence which has disappeared from Los Alamos has merely been misplaced, not stolen. Perhaps a friendly "strategic partner" will offer to help him find it.

Congressman Sam Farr (D, Calif.) has introduced a bill, at the behest of Bob Barker, Kim Basinger and other animal rights activists, to ban the use of elephants in circuses. Then, after the pope and the president have apologized to the elephants, we can start talking reparations.

The Senate Judiciary Committee has subpoenaed documents from the Justice Department, in an effort to determine whether the Clinton administration worked in cooperation with Fidel Castro in its efforts to return his property, Elian Gonzalez. Next, the committee will get to the bottom of whether the little light stays on when you close the refrigerator.

It has been learned that John "Benji" Taylor, who committed five execution-style murders at a Wendy's in Queens, did so after being released on bail for a series of armed robberies at fast food restaurants. Let's see them pin that one on Mr. Heston.

Angered by Vice President Gore's support for trade with China, Stephen Yokich, president of the United Auto Workers, suggested that the UAW shun Gore and instead endorse Green Party candidate Ralph Nader. To a casual observer, it might have made more sense for him to endorse somebody who, oh ... likes cars?

As a cost-cutting move, the British Royal Navy is ordering its recruits to begin shouting "bang" during training exercises, instead of using actual ammunition. As long as they're brushing up on their sound effects, they might as well start practicing this one -- "glub, glub."

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At New York's state Democratic convention, members of the Albany Police Department's honor guard were spat on by delegates, and, of course, called Nazis. The delegates then voted overwhelmingly to nominate Hillary Clinton as their candidate for the Senate. No wonder they hate cops.

The Canadian government has revealed that it has compiled a massive database on all its citizens, including information about their medical histories, marital status, education and ethnicity. Jane Stewart, Canada's Human Resources Minister (even we don't have one of those) assured parliament that, "protection of privacy and the information of Canadians is fundamental and I will not tolerate any breach of that in my department." It's good to know that the privacy of a man's relationship with his government human resources minister is still sacred.

Gov. George W. Bush has unveiled a new initiative by which the state of Texas will start giving away trigger locks -- a government handout program for the sake of gun control. At least Bob Dole could only muster the energy to cave in on one issue at a time.

President Clinton now says that life in the White House has been good for his marriage. Are we to take this as a lie, or an admission of bigamy?

Prospective New York Senate candidate Rudolph Giuliani has announced that he and his wife, Donna Hanover, are seeking a legal separation. The big question is, will he have to return her clothes?

Fidel Castro sent ten government officials to the Wye Plantation to greet Elian Gonzalez, who had been brought there to be reunited with his father, don't you know. The Cuban government cryptically explained to the U.S. State Department that they were bringing "supplies" to the family. Those Americans agitating for Elian's return should consider whether they would care to be supplied with anything it takes ten Cuban officials to carry.

Carolina Panthers' wide receiver Rae Carruth, who stands accused of arranging the fatal shooting of his girlfriend, Cherica Adams, in an failed attempt to kill the baby boy she was carrying, now wants visitation rights to his son. If you think this is absurd, you are forgetting the new, immutable law of the land: "THE BOY BELONGS WITH HIS FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!"

USA Today columnist DeWayne Wickham has declared Pittsburgh's gun buy-back program to be a smashing success. The proof: a decline in shooting deaths from 1993 to 1996 (attributable to the program, somehow or other), and the statistic that 57 percent of the participants say they "feel safer."

Sen. Bob Graham (D, Fla.) is upset with President Clinton, because he says the president promised him that the government would not seize Elian Gonzalez at night. Apparently, the senator doesn't realize that night ends at 12:01 in the morning.

Reform Party presidential candidate Pat Buchanan has discarded the list of possible running mates his campaign had compiled last year. The list included Democrat representatives Marcy Kaptur, Tim Holden, Chris John, Dale Kildee, Dennis Kucinich, David Minge, Collin Peterson, Tim Roemer and Charlie Stenholm, as well as retired Democrat congressman Tim Penny and congressman Virgil Goode, now an independent, but a Democrat at the time he was put on the list. Buchanan now dismisses these candidates because they are Washington politicians, and he wants to pair himself with another political outsider. Michael Kinsley is available.

A New York doctor has been charged with assault for attacking a pregnant nurse with a syringe. Dr. Stephen Pack, who is apparently the baby's father, stabbed the woman six times in the legs and buttocks. Witnesses say he shouted that he was going to give her an abortion, as he tried to inject her with an unidentified fluid. Pack, no doubt, will soon feel the vengeful wrath of the feminist movement ... not for trying to force a woman to have an abortion, but for touching her bottom without permission.

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Maine Governor Angus King singed a bill which requires that all landmarks in the state with the word "squaw" in their titles must be renamed, in response to complaints that the word was offensive to women and Indians. Whether it is racist to accuse the Indians of sexism has yet to be determined, but you can bet that if anyone has the answer, he currently holds elected office in New England.

Judge Royce Lamberth ruled that President Clinton criminally violated the Privacy Act by releasing letters from Kathleen Willey to the press. That, being only a misdemeanor, apparently doesn't qualify as newsworthy in this administration.

In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that the Food and Drug Administration does not have jurisdiction to regulate the tobacco industry. Associated Press reports have seen fit to point out that Justice Antonin Scalia and Chief Justice William Renquist, both of whom voted with the majority, are smokers. The AP knew there had to be a reason for their decision, aside from constitutional separation of powers, that is.

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Serving as a United Nations Messenger of Peace, actor Michael Douglas told the British House of Commons that the prospect of an American missile defense system "opens up a world of nuclear anarchy." Of course, it was SDI, Ronald Reagan's plan for missile defense, which was instrumental in making the world a safer place by defeating the Soviet Union. But then, Reagan emigrated from Hollywood to reality before taking up such serious matters.

Independent counsel Robert Ray told ABC's This Week that his investigation has confirmed the White House's explanation that the FBI files scandal was "a bureaucratic snafu," and that he would seek no indictments in connection with that scandal. During the same interview, he revealed that the Clinton administration remains in possession of the 900-plus files to this very day. Oops!

The United Nations has issued a new report which levels accusations of murder, torture, intimidation, abuse of authority, illegal policing, and (gasp!) "hate speech." -- The alleged perpetrator: the United Nations' own Kosovo Protection Corps (KPC).

Hearings on fetal tissue and organ sales got off to a contentious start in the House Commerce Subcommittee on March 9, when one witness changed his story, and another failed to appear. Abortion advocates in Congress seized on the testimony of former abortionist Dr. Lawrence Alberty Jr., who said that he lied in an interview with the anti-abortion group Life Dynamics, and that he only told them what they wanted to hear because they paid him. (For the record, this writer has seen materials distributed by Life Dynamics. If the organization is financially capable of bribery, it doesn't show.) The bigger story, though, was that Dr. Miles Jones, an employee of tissue wholesaler Opening Lines, did not respond to his subpoena, and has been cited for contempt of Congress.

For more on this issue, read Aborted Conscience: Factory of lies runs frantically on (1/12/00)

George W. Bush won major "Super Tuesday" primaries in California, New York, Ohio, Missouri and Georgia, thereby virtually eliminating chief rival John McCain from the race. In response to those results, media analysts nearly unanimously concluded that: (a) if Bush is to win in November, he must "move to the center" by selecting McCain as his running mate, lest his campaign be "captured" by the "extreme right-wing"; (b) Bush must "attack" Al Gore's character in order to win, because "the issues favor Democrats"; and (c) the media's groveling support for the McCain campaign "disproves the myth of so-called liberal media bias."

Clinton-Gore '96 fundraiser Maria Hsia was convicted on five counts of causing false statements to be filed with the Federal Election Commission, in connection to the infamous fundraising trip Vice President Gore made to the Buddhist temple in Hacienda Heights, California. But never mind.

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On Presidents' Day, a group of 58 historians (i.e., college professors) ranked the chief executives 1 to 41. As one might expect, they loaded the top ten with their favorite liberal icons. FDR was ranked second (ahead of Washington!), Harry Truman was fifth, Woodrow Wilson sixth, and John Kennedy eighth. They even threw in notorious failure Lyndon Johnson at number ten. President Clinton, rated number 21, was weighed down by his dead-last showing in the category of "moral authority," which was due in part to his obstruction of justice, perjury, and bogus claims of executive privilege while stonewalling a civil lawsuit. Without a hint of irony, the survey ranked Clinton fifth in "pursuing equal justice."

According to the Federal Election Commission, contributors to Hillary Clinton's Senate campaign include Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, co-stars of the semi-pornographic film "Eyes Wide Shut," as well as pedophilia-promoting designer Calvin Klein, and gangster-rapper Sean "Puffy" Combs. It seems that all the filth Mayor Giuliani drove out of Times Square has emigrated to Hillary's Village.

Sen. McCain is proposing to trim down government waste by creating a new cabinet-level bureau, to be headed by a "reform czar." If his appointee to this position were to have any integrity, his first act upon taking office would be to spontaneously combust.

In observance of the ninth anniversary of the start of the Gulf War, thousands of demonstrators marched through the streets of Baghdad, and burned an American flag in front of a U.N. office building. The protest was led by Ramsey Clark, the former U.S. Attorney General from the Johnson administration.

During the Iowa Republican debate, John McCain criticized George W. Bush's Social Security plan, by calling it a "Texas two-step" and remarking that it was "all hat and no cattle." It turns out that those same witty zingers had already appeared in the same context on the official Democratic National Committee website. Now we know where McCain gets his talking points when he warns that the Bush tax cuts would be "risky" and that they would "raid Social Security" after "squandering the surplus." Perhaps next time, the DNC can write McCain a top-ten list.

Italy's "Democrats of the Left," the immediate successors to that nations defunct Communist Party, is proposing tax cuts in order to stimulate the Italian economy. America's Democrats of the Left, no doubt, will continue to oppose tax cuts, recognizing them as a cunning Communist plot.

A loaded moving truck brought First Lady Hillary Clinton to her new home in Chataqua, New York. Considering the Clintons' difficulty in discerning what belongs to them and what does not (White House databases, the Lincoln Bedroom, etc.), it might be a good idea if Nancy Reagan dropped by the White House to count her plates.

Gov. George W. Bush has received an endorsement from a one-time rival, former Tennessee Governor Lamar Alexander. Please try to contain your excitement.

U.N. Human Rights Commissioner Mary Robinson, the former President of Ireland, criticized the United States for its efforts to curtail illegal immigration, arguing that border patrols have caused aliens to take more hazardous routes into the country. Obviously, what the U.S. should do is begin escorting illegals across the border in a safe and orderly manner, lest they be forced to turn to dangerous "back-alley" smugglers.

--DC

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