"Today we are celebrating the wealthy and war, not the poor and peace." -- Jesse Jackson, whose version of "peace" never ceases to aid wealthy despots like Saddam Hussein, at the expense of their countries' people.

"I think Michael Moore actually had a very major impact, a negative impact on the Democratic Party. I think he exemplified all of the things that people hate about Democrats, and the fact that he was -- It was a "hate America first" campaign and that hurts the Democrats every time." -- ABC's Cokie Roberts, letting it slip that "hate America first" is a common Democrat campaign message.

"We had a sweetheart deal with the national Democratic Party. 'We'll go along with your programs if you'll go along with our segregation'." -- outgoing senator Fritz Hollings (D, S.C.), probably shocking the folks at 60 Minutes by reminding them which party defended institutionalized racism.

"We bought it, we own it, and we're going to take it back." -- MoveOn.org, staking its claim to the Democratic National Committee.

"You know, absolute power corrupts absolutely." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), who ought to know.

"Despite Drop in Crime, an Increase in Inmates." -- a Nov. 8^th headline in the New York Times, expressing an ironically misguided sense of irony.

"There has been no hint of impropriety on the part of the [UN] secretary general [Kofi Annan], who on numerous occasions has proven his honesty and integrity." -- former presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich, who needed no hint of impropriety to accuse President Bush of waging war based on "lies" and "greed."

"[There's] not any example of where I ever disgraced this country publicly." -- Bill Clinton, unaware that much of his presidency was televised.

"[Y]ou don't have any example of where I ever lied to the American people about my job." -- Bill Clinton, again categorizing all his abuses of his presidential power under his "personal life," in contrast to this "job" thing of his, which by process of elimination must be free of scandal.

"More U.S. troops in Iraq, at least through the January 30^th election, at a time when the insurgency in Iraq is becoming more dangerous. The number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq increased sharply in November, matching April for the highest monthly total this year. It looks like 'escalation,' a scary word from the Vietnam era. Could it have political consequences?" -- CNN political analyst Bill Schneider, seeming to hope that President Bush's re-election and the rout of the terrorists in Fallujah were mere flukes.

"I'll fight them and make a big riot. I'll call the whole world. I'll bring AK-47 assault rifles and commit a massacre in front of my house." -- a bird puppet on a Palestinian children's TV show, answering a small girl's question about what it would do if someone cut down its olive tree.

"There may not be any other man in history who better embodies the saying that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom-fighter." -- Diane Sawyer, explaining that whether or not Yasir Arafat is a terrorist is in the eye of the beholder.

"He's really a remarkable man ... a great man in many ways, without the connotation positive or negative." -- former CIA agent Michael Scheuer -- formerly known as the author "Anonymous" -- describing Osama bin Laden.

"The labor force is conservative. How in the world did that happen?" -- Andy Rooney, expressing surprise that limousine liberalism is not the mainstream.

"Let's all head to the airport and get out of the country." -- Al Sharpton, reacting to President Bush's re-election.

"It's a dark day." -- MoveOn.org executive director Eli Pariser, reacting to President Bush's re-election.

"I'm a little inclined to think that Karl Rove, the political manager at the White House, who is a very clever man, he probably set up bin Laden to do this thing." -- Walter "Pinko" Cronkite, claiming that the Bush campaign somehow ordered Osama to pop out of his hole and issue a pipsqueaking videotaped threat within four days of Election Day.

"The president's handling of the war has been a toxic mix of ignorance, arrogance, and stubborn ideology." -- Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, Mass.), who knows a little something of toxic mixes.

"I talk about life. It affects men and women. It affects children and the future of our country." -- Teresa Heinz, discovering that the common folk have life too.

"It [9-11] didn't change me much at all." -- John Kerry, reinforcing the theory that he is made of Formica.

"I don't think the Russian or the French or the Chinese government would allow itself to be bought." -- UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, whose organization was likewise compromised through the Oil-For-Food program.

"If no signs of intimidation techniques have emerged yet, launch a pre-emptive strike." -- The Democratic Party's "Colorado Election Day Manual," instructing party members to fabricate accusations of voting rights violations.

"When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve will get up out of that wheelchair and walk." -- John Edwards, whose next promise will be that on the Eighth Day, John Kerry will rest.

"I know, as I think you do, that our country is strongest when we lead the world, when we lead strong alliances -- and that's the way Eisenhower and Reagan and Kennedy and others did it." -- John Kerry, forgetting that Ronald Reagan acted unilaterally to bomb Libya, despite the obstruction of France.

"I made a mistake in the way I talk about it." -- John Kerry, explaining his infamous quote that, "I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it" as a harmless slip of the tongue, when in fact he never did vote for the $87 billion, and his real mistake was voting against the bill in the first place.

"We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance." -- John Kerry, as quoted by New York Times Magazine, apparently characterizing bombings of the World Trade Center (in '93), the Khobar Towers, the American embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, and the USS Cole as mere inconveniences.

"November 2, the power is in your hands, hands that once picked cotton." -- Jesse Jackson, assuming that the people in his audience have all picked cotton, because ... um ... they're black.

"I have grown up in the bright light of America, but that light is flickering today." -- self-described "optimist" John Edwards, in his closing statement from the vice presidential debate.

"Do you believe you could do a better job than President Bush in preventing another 9-11-type terrorist attack on the United States?" ... "What colossal misjudgments, in your opinion, has President Bush made in these areas?" ... "Speaking of Vietnam, you spoke to Congress in 1971, after you came back from Vietnam, and you said, quote, 'How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?' Are Americans now dying in Iraq for a mistake?" ... "You've repeatedly accused President Bush -- not here tonight, but elsewhere before -- of not telling the truth about Iraq, essentially lying to the American people about Iraq. Give us some examples of what you consider to be his not telling the truth." -- moderator Jim Lehrer, pitching softballs to John Kerry during the first presidential debate.

"Iraq and terrorism had nothing to do with one another. Zero." -- Kerry campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter.

"Ick!" -- Teresa Heinz, on the prospect of being given the title of "First Lady."

"Only an idiot wouldn't like this." -- Teresa Heinz, on her husband's plan for socialized medicine.

"Zell Miller looks like a Klansman." -- Dick Cavett, who acts like something else.

"They probably shot him up with something." -- James Carville, expressing incredulity that Sen. Zell Miller (D, Ga.) could possibly oppose his party's presidential candidate without first being drugged.

"I love to do talk radio interviews." -- that social butterfly of the airwaves, Hillary Clinton, who, NewsMax.com points out, never takes calls from listeners.

"I believe I can fight a more effective, more thoughtful, more strategic, more proactive, more sensitive war on terror." -- John Kerry, seeming to propose giving Osama bin Laden a "time-out."

"We had a whole network of attorneys from the tobacco wars that I got money from." -- Kerry fundraiser John P. Coale, explaining the secret to his success.

"I will appoint an attorney general who actually upholds the Constitution of the United States." * -- John Kerry, conflicting with his own positions on abortion and gun control, among other issues.

"I saw how different life was on different sides of the same city [Berlin]. I saw the fear in the eyes of the people who were not free." * -- John Kerry, recalling childhood memories of his days as an anti-Communist.

" ... And what can I say about Teresa? She has the strongest moral compass of anyone I know." * -- John Kerry, who must not get out much.

"Now I know there are those who criticize me for seeing complexities -- and I do -- because some issues just aren't all that simple." * -- John Kerry, needing to explain his penchant for flip-flopping even to sycophantic delegates at his own convention.

"Let there be no mistake: I will never hesitate to use force when it is required." * -- John Kerry, who will know when force is required as soon as the French tell him.

"We believe in the family value expressed in one of the oldest Commandments: 'Honor thy father and thy mother'." * -- John Kerry, who thinks the Ten Commandments were issued in chronological order.

"You don't value families if you force them to take up a collection to buy body armor for a son or daughter in the service." * -- John Kerry, who voted against the $87 billion supplemental military spending bill that would have provided, among other things, body armor.

"Where I come from, you don't judge someone's values based on how they use that word in a political ad. You judge their values based on what they've spent their life doing." * -- John Edwards, who neglected to explain why we should entrust the presidency to a man whose "values" prompted him to lie to the Senate in order to slander his fellow soldiers.

"They [the Republicans] are doing all they can to take this campaign for the highest office in the land down the lowest possible road." * -- John Edwards, whose party welcomed Michael Moore at its convention, recruited Al Franken to be its spokesman, begged Jerry Springer to run for national office, and used Larry Flynt for opposition research.

"I mean the very idea that in a country of our own wealth and prosperity, we have children going to bed hungry. We have children who don't have the clothes to keep them warm. We have millions of Americans who work full-time every day for minimum wage to support their family and still live in poverty. It's wrong. These are men and women who are living up to their part of the bargain, working hard and taking care of their families. Those families are doing their part. It's time we did ours." * -- John Edwards, who thinks parents are fulfilling their responsibilities if they do not feed or clothe their children, and can't hold down a job long enough to climb above entry-level.

"My only hope is that, one day soon, women -- who have all earned the right to their opinions -- instead of being called 'opinionated' will be called 'smart' or 'well-informed,' just as men are." * -- Teresa Heinz, not realizing that no man would be called "smart" or "well-informed" for saying the things she says, or that "opinionated" isn't exactly the word most often used to describe her.

"With John Kerry as president, global climate change and other threats to the health of our planet will begin to be reversed." * -- Teresa Heinz, whose husband will next cause the sun to revolve around the earth.

"John Kerry will give us back our faith in America." * -- Teresa Heinz, forgetting that there were millions of people watching on TV who never lost it.

" ... Whatever else you do come November 2^nd, I urge you, please, cast a vote for embryonic stem cell research." * -- Ron Reagan Jr., who might as well have worn a Kerry-Edwards campaign pin while delivering his nonpartisan address.

"Yes, these cells could theoretically have the potential, under very different circumstances, to develop into human beings. That potential is where their magic lies. But they are not, in and of themselves, human beings. They have no fingers and toes, no brain and spinal cord." * -- Ron Reagan Jr., who must have finger-painted his way through eighth-grade science.

"The history of social and economic progress in America was written by the Democratic Party." * -- Dennis Kucinich, whose historically socially progressive Democratic Party opposed abolition and women's suffrage.

"I'm proud of John Kerry's leadership, and I intend to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him as we fight for ... middle-class and working Americans who got a tax increase, not a tax cut ... "* -- Howard Dean, who ironically was ridiculed by John Kerry during a primary debate for denying that middle-income Americans had received a tax cut.

"Tonight I come to you as a citizen, returning to the role that I have played for most of my life." * -- Bill Clinton, who must believe he'd been king in the meantime.

"We Democrats want to build a world and an America of shared responsibilities and shared benefits." * -- Bill Clinton, finding a new way to say "collectivism."

"During the Vietnam War, many young men, including the current president, the vice president and me, could have gone to Vietnam and didn't." * -- Bill Clinton, figuring that serving in the Air National Guard, getting a student deferment from the draft, and dodging the draft while protesting against your own country on foreign soil are roughly the same thing.

"Remember the Scripture: 'Be not afraid.' John Kerry and John Edwards are good people with good ideas, ideas to make the economy work again for middle class Americans, to restore fiscal responsibility, to save Social Security, to make health care more affordable and college more available, to free us from dependence on foreign oil and create new jobs with clean energy and a cleaner environment, to rally the world to our side in the war against terror, and to make a world with more friends and less terror." * -- Bill Clinton, taking a three-word quote out of its Biblical context in order to compare the Democrat candidates to Jesus Christ.

"[H]e still spends his days working to empower the powerless, to promote racial, religious and ethnic reconciliation, to inspire young people to citizen service, and to bring life-saving medicines to people living with HIV-AIDS throughout the world." * -- Hillary Clinton, gullibly repeating her husbands explanations of what he's been up to lately.

"It is frightening to think that the gains of the civil and women's rights movements of the last century could be reversed if this administration sits in the White House for four more years." * -- Al Sharpton, trying to stir support for racial quotas and abortion by mislabeling them "gains of the civil and women's rights movements."

"It is true that Mr. Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, after which there was a commitment to give 40 acres and a mule. That's where the argument, to this day, of reparations starts. We never got the 40 acres." * -- Al Sharpton, misrepresenting General Sherman's promise as coming from President Lincoln, while demanding free things, as usual.

"It was those that earned our vote that got our vote. We got the Civil Rights Act under a Democrat. We got the Voting Rights Act under a Democrat." * -- Al Sharpton, pretending that the Democratic Party, which defended slavery, enforced segregation and filibustered the Civil Rights Act, is the historic champion of black Americans, while the Republican Party, which was founded by abolitionists and overwhelmingly supported the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, is the enemy.

"Let's make sure not only that the Supreme Court does not pick the next president, but also that this president is not the one who picks the next Supreme Court." * -- Al Gore, who would still not be president even if the Supreme Court had ruled in his favor.

"We bear no ill will toward our opponents. In fact, we'd be happy to have them over for a polite little tea party. I know just the place, right down the road at Boston Harbor." * -- Ted Kennedy, strangely proposing to re-enact a rebellion over taxes.

"The administration has alienated long-time allies." * -- Ted Kennedy, thinking we've been a bit cozier with Germany and Russia than history would suggest.

"Time and again in America's history, we as Democrats have offered a new hope ... When the voices of many citizens were unheard and their lives were blighted by bigotry, we fought for equality and justice, for civil rights and voting rights and the rights of women ... "* -- Ted Kennedy, lying about the Democratic Party's history, according to script.

"I'm Jimmy Carter, and I'm not running for president." * -- Jimmy Carter, delivering what should have been the biggest applause line of the convention.

"I served under two presidents, Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower, men who represented different political parties, both of whom had faced their active military responsibilities with honor. They knew the horrors of war, and later, as Commanders-in-Chief, they exercised restraint and judgment and had a clear sense of mission. We had confidence that our leaders, military and civilian, would not put our soldiers and sailors in harm's way by initiating 'wars of choice' unless America's vital interests were endangered." * -- Jimmy Carter, praising Harry Truman for exercising the restraint he thankfully didn't when he dropped those two A-bombs, and for acting in America's vital interests by sending soldiers into Korea under UN command.

"Let us not forget that the Soviets lost the Cold War because the American people combined the exercise of power with adherence to basic principles, based on sustained bipartisan support." * -- Jimmy Carter, trying pathetically to cut the Democrats in for some of the credit for winning the Cold War, while endorsing John Kerry, who sided with the Communists after returning home from Vietnam, opposed Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative, and supported the Sandinistas in Nicaragua.

"Elsewhere, North Korea's nuclear menace -- a threat more real and immediate than any posed by Saddam Hussein -- has been allowed to advance unheeded, with potentially ominous consequences for peace and stability in Northeast Asia." * -- Jimmy Carter, seemingly oblivious to his own role in advancing North Korea's nuclear program through his negotiation of the Agreed Framework, signed by Bill Clinton.

"When our national security requires military action, John Kerry has already proven in Vietnam that he will not hesitate to act." * -- Jimmy Carter, contradicting decades of Democratic Party dogma by saying that Vietnam was relevant to our national security.

"We were all laughing about it on the way over here." -- former president Bill Clinton, reacting to news that his national security advisor Sandy Berger had illegally smuggled top secret files out of the National Archives.

"I have to say that John Edwards is very beautiful." -- Theresa Heinz, following the Kerry campaign's talking points a little too closely.

"There's an atmosphere of fear in America right now that is deadly. ... There was a moment about a year ago when you couldn't say a word about anything in this country for fear of your career being shot down by people saying you're un-American. ... As of this spring, there have been virtually no anti-war concerts, or anti-war songs that catch on, for that matter. ... On the one hand, you have Toby Keith, who has come out and been very supportive of the Bush administration and the war in Iraq, which is okay because America is a democracy and Toby Keith is entitled to say what he thinks and feels. But on the other hand, the Dixie Chicks got shot down in flames last year for criticizing the president. They were treated like they were being very un-American, when in fact they have every right to say whatever they want about them because he's freely elected, and therefore accountable." -- Elton John, confusing freedom of speech with a right to be listened to and respected, while expressing surprise that Americans don't like having their country insulted while they're at war.

"I oppose abortion, personally. I don't like abortion. I believe life does begin at conception." -- John Kerry, who has a 100 percent pro-abortion voting record, explaining that his position on the issue is the exact opposite of what he thinks is right. Not that he's a flip-flopper, or anything.

"We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), reciting a condensed version of the Communist Manifesto to some wealthy Democrat supporters in San Francisco.

"One thing I know, Negroes can drive cars fast. I mean we go through red lights, even drive at night with our lights off. We can drive cars fast." -- Jesse Jackson, having a Dusty Baker moment (and seeming to justify racial profiling) while suggesting a racist conspiracy to keep blacks out of NASCAR.

-- alternative lyrics to Barbra Streisand's "People," which she sang at a John Kerry fundraiser -- as if you hadn't already guessed.

"I don't see it [impeachment] as a stain, because it was illegitimate." -- America's favorite walking, talking, Freudian slip, Bill Clinton.

"I'm cheeky, I'm sexy, whatever. You know, I've got a lot of life inside." -- Theresa Heinz, sounding as if she would end her first name with an "i", if at all possible.

"The Soviet Union could have withstood any arms race." -- Mikhail Gorbachev, that brilliant man who cleverly destroyed his own government to win the Cold War for his enemies.

"I think we all lost the Cold War." -- Mikhail Gorbachev, former premier of the Ash Heap of History, trying to call the confrontation in which his government was annihilated a draw.

"I made the statement that I did, and I think with great courage, if I might say that about myself, because I am worried about the troops on the ground in Iraq and wherever our troops serve." -- courageous, patriotic, and above all else modest House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D, Calif.), explaining a tirade against President Bush on Meet the Press.

"Do you get the feeling, Senator, that you're playing for the wrong team?" -- NBC Today co-host Matt Lauer, begging Sen. John McCain (R, Ariz.) to switch parties and become John Kerry's running mate."

"A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving. I hope mine is interesting and self-serving." -- the always interesting and self-serving former president Bill Clinton.

"We're going to make America stronger at home by being fiscally responsible, investing in health care and education, becoming energy independent ..." -- John Kerry, promising fiscal responsibility through more massive federal subsidies.

"I thought he conducted himself thoughtfully, sensitively. I think he contributed a lot to the debate." -- John Kerry, on Al Sharpton.

"Abort Bush in the first term." -- a poster at the pro-abortion "March for Women's Lives," waved by an activist who otherwise would not admit that an abortion is something done to a living person.

"Look, I want to make it clear. Who knows if, a month from now, three months from now, you find some weapons? You may." -- John Kerry, who is no longer so convinced that we were "misled" by the administration about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.

"God, they're doing the work of the Republican National Committee." -- John Kerry, accusing ABC News of being part of the vaunted Republican Attack Machine.

"I think some of the language that I used was a language that reflected an anger. It was honest, but it was in anger, and it was a little bit excessive." -- John Kerry, defending his decision to "honestly" repeat the claims of impostors in slandering his fellow Vietnam veterans.

"Do you feel any sense of personal responsibility for September 11^th?" -- New York Times reporter Elisabeth Bumiller, doing her best Howard Dean impression during a presidential press conference.

"Given the fact that U.S. forces are committed there for the long haul, what steps do we need to take, Ambassador Bremer, to make sure that Iraq does not turn into another Vietnam?" -- Today show co-host Matt Lauer, to whom it does not occur that overthrowing the opposing government and arresting its leader is a pretty good start.

"People ought to stay out of our business." -- 9-11 commission chairman and former New Jersey governor Tom Kean (R), who has absolutely no idea who he's working for.

"I stuffed it like a turkey." -- Rep. Don Young (R, Alaska), boasting about how he helped fatten up the House transportation bill.

"Treating soldiers fighting their war as brave heroes is an old civilian trick designed to keep the soldiers at it. But you can be sure our soldiers in Iraq are not all brave heroes gladly risking their lives for us sitting comfortably back here at home. ... It's disingenuous of the rest of us to encourage them to fight this war by idolizing them." -- Andy Rooney, who's become progressively angrier ever since the great ten hot dogs but only eight buns scandal.

"Iraq ended up in a quagmire, and I think Vietnam ended up in a quagmire." -- Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, Mass.), who, given his history, should probably be referencing inescapable watery terrain a little less frequently.

"[Muqtada al-Sadr] has clearly taken on a far more radical tone in recent days, and aligned himself with Hamas and Hezbollah, which is a sort of terrorist alignment." -- John Kerry, displaying his aptitude for waging the War on Sort-Of Terrorism, during an interview on National Public Radio.

"It's positive that Saddam and his bloody regime is gone, but when one weighs the costs, it's clearly the negative aspects that dominate." -- U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix, feeling reluctantly nostalgic for Saddam Hussein's regime.

"He [Richard Clarke] has to be taken very seriously." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), who does not, in a radio interview with Al Franken, who doesn't either.

"I'm fascinated by rap and hip-hop. I think that there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it." -- John Kerry.

"I think when you start, you know, talking about killing cops or something like that, it bothers me." -- John Kerry, in one of his more judgmental moments.

"If I'm able to have a surprise in some other state, it's possible that the flame of the campaign could be rekindled." -- Dennis Kucinich, who must be referring to his win-a-date-with-a-presidential-candidate contest.

"Television induces a quasi-hypnotic state. The immune system that used to protect our democracy against big lies and faulty perceptions no longer protects us as it used to." -- former vice president Al Gore, unwittingly revealing the Clinton-Gore '96 re-election strategy, while continuing his holy war against all things mechanical.

"I've met more leaders who can't go out and say this publicly, but boy, they look at you and say, 'You have got to win this. You have got to beat this guy. We need a new policy." -- John Kerry, shielding himself from accountability for his claim to foreign endorsements, by morphing his personal narrative into a second-person hypothetical in mid-sentence.

"These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen. It's scary." -- John Kerry, ironically not referring to the impostors who appeared with him at the Winter Soldier Investigation.

"The Republican attack machine has welcomed me to West Virginia today with another distortion. I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it." -- John Kerry, setting the record straight about his Senate voting record.

"We're aligning ourselves with Kerry." -- new Spanish prime minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, of the Socialist Party.

"If the human race as a whole, rather than 50 states plus the District of Columbia, could cast a ballot this coming November, John Kerry would surely win the presidency in a landslide." -- an editorial in the UK Independent, bemoaning American sovereignty, as usual.

" ... That doesn't mean I wouldn't have been happy to be married to several friends I had of the same sex. It just never came up in our particular relations." -- Walter Cronkite, sounding eager to make a big comeback in network television.

"President Clinton was often known as the first black president. I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second." -- presumptive Democrat presidential nominee John Kerry.

"On paper, women had rights. ... They went to school, they participated in professions, they participated in the government and business and, as long as they stayed out of his way, they had considerable freedom of movement." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), managing to find reasons to believe that things in Iraq were better under Saddam & Sons.

"Democracy cannot thrive unless its roots are embedded in jobs, and we really have let Haiti down." -- Rep. Charles Rangel (D, N.Y.), blaming the United States for not "creating jobs" under the thug-ocracy of deposed Haitian president Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

"The questions about the President's National Guard service just won't stop." -- Good Morning America anchor Charles Gibson, who just won't stop asking the questions.

"John Kerry and Jane Fonda were just acquaintances." -- Kerry campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter, describing her candidate's 1970 appearance with Fonda at an anti-war rally in Valley Forge as if the two had just bumped into each other at the supermarket.

"I think of all that money. There are so many things we need to do here at home. Space exploration hasn't produced much for us except some good pictures." -- Andy Rooney, exhibiting his typical liberal foresight.

"Britain is likely to be plunged into an ice age within our lifetime by global warming, new research suggests." -- an article by UK Independent "environment editor" Geoffrey Lean, who will next find a way to blame your lawnmower for bad British food.

"[T]heir standard of living is a whole lot worse now than it was before." -- Howard "Why Do I Say These Things" Dean, on the post-Saddam era in Iraq.

"The extreme conditions are actually the end result of the planet warming. ... The Bush policies are leading to weather extremes." -- former vice president Al Gore, explaining that global warming is responsible for the coldest day New York has seen in nearly a half-century.

"While President Bush likes to project an image of strength and courage, the real truth is that in the presence of his large financial contributors, he is a moral coward." -- Al Gore, whose own "large financial contributors" included the Red Chinese government.

"Far from Dean not being able to 'compete' with Bush on foreign policy, he's the one viable Democrat who isn't trying to compete on the playing field that Bush and Karl Rove have laid out." -- former California gubernatorial candidate and renowned "moderate" Arianna Huffington.

"None of these was our ad. Nor did their appearance constitute endorsement or sponsorship by MoveOn.org Voter Fund." -- MoveOn.org founder Wes Boyd, denying responsibility for two ads comparing President Bush to Adolf Hitler, which his organization had solicited, and then posted them on its site.

"He [Mahatma Gandhi] ran a gas station down in St. Louis." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, N.Y.), refreshingly attempting, however ineffectively, to show a sense of humor.

Harumph '07

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